Well hello there. On the heels of a very self-loving blog last week, this week I found myself doing some struggling. It was just one of “those” weeks. Part of it I am sure is the weather. I am a warm weather loving, sun thriving Leo who hails from the hot desert. I was born in the middle of the day, in the middle of summer in the middle of West Texas. I am a girl who cannot do without sunshine on my face. This polar vortex or whatever the fuck they are calling it has really done a number on me. I have been at cranky level 10!
It also didn’t help that I accidentally tossed out a piece of my vacuum cleaner so I couldn’t vacuum all week. With two dogs, that is an essential. Seven nights of single digit temperatures had unbeknownst to me, frozen the drain to my washing machine so I flooded the kitchen doing a load of laundry. I gave myself a bonafide concussion at a shoot on Wednesday night, which lead to a 5-day headache, nausea, the spins and a baby poop yellow forehead thanks to the residual bruising. Add in some shit talking “friends”, a nasty gossip session that I got stuck in the middle of, and two cancelled shoots and I was pretty much done by Friday.
I questioned everyone and everything this week. I was having a lot of self-doubt, I was worried about all kinds of shit, I got uncomfortable in my skin, second-guessed my work and I think for a brief second even tried to push some people away. I was just…. Uncomfortable. Honestly, for the majority of the past seven days, I just wanted to crawl back in bed, pull the covers over my head and wait it out till spring. Maybe last weeks blog was too much for me to put out there, I don’t know, I just felt very raw.
As I write this, it is late Sunday night, heading into Monday morning and things are much better. There was a turning point and it goes back to my first blog. It’s all about and finding gratitude in the simplest things, for instance, a cookie. A friend had bought me one of those fancy coffee shop cookies a couple of nights earlier but I had forgotten about it. I was grumping around the house all grumpity grumpy pants, having myself a proper pity party when I moved my purse and saw the white bag. My cookie!
I came in and sat down at the desk and crunched into it and it made me happy. It also gave me enough of a blood sugar spike to buck up and dig into Final Cut and do some editing. I can’t tell you anything about the thing I was editing (It’s one of those classic “I would tell you but then I would have to kill you” situations). What I can tell you is that it’s funny. Super funny. At least to me, and in that particular moment, it was hysterically funny.
I took a moment to be grateful for my cookie and for my funny project and in that moment, my whole day turned around. There were still piles of wet towels to wash, it was still too cold to go outside, there was still dog hair everywhere, my head still hurt and I was still kinda pissed off at a few people, but it went from insurmountable to being workable.
Over the next two days my always, super kick ass neighbors let me wash the towels at their place. The part for the vacuum arrived. I got an unexpected royalty check in the mail, I saw one of my favorite people sing songs and I laughed with some friends. My headache finally dulled, the cancelled shoots rescheduled and to top if off, on Sunday it was 65 mother-fucking beautiful degrees outside! I went out into that beautiful sunshine with the dogs and some friends and spent the whole damn day skipping around in it like a kid, just feeling grateful!
I’m not saying that my personal power of gratitude is so great that it changed the weather pattern enough to give us a one-day break in the polar vortex. I’m not even insinuating that it is responsible for everything else falling into place. What I am saying is that you should never underestimate the power of a cookie.